During the panel session at the ELC 2024 today, Dr Sam Adeyemi and his wife, Dr Nike Adeyemi were asked a question by a lady.
The question was what can an innovative woman who is married to a traditional man do so that her drive is not stifled?
While answering the question, Sam Adeyemi narrated the story of a couple who was exactly in that situation and how he counselled her to apply tact in her approach.
But while he was still narrating the story, Pst. Nike interjected and said although the counsel worked for a while, that couple still ended up divorcing.
She made a statement which broke my heart. She said because it was not in the man from the beginning of the marriage, there was not much that could be done.
In other words, don’t expect from a man, a quality that was not in him before you married him.
That statement broke me.
Here was a woman who wanted the best for her family and was blessed with an innovative mind. But her life was stifled just because of who she got married to.
I am married to a career woman and I know that it is not every man that can handle a career woman.
During the early years of our marriage, I had to pay the sacrifice of being a stay-at-home dad for several years so that my wife could go to work while I worked from home.
I cancelled every engagement that would take me out of the house. And it was that way for about 4 years.
Men need to understand that the era of the man being the alpha and omega of the home has passed. We don’t need physical exertion to earn money anymore. That was where men had the advantage.
Today, there are so many jobs that only require mental exertion and the brain of the woman is just as capable as the brain of the man.
So, men should not feel intimidated if they are married to such a lady who wants to go out there and compete in the marketplace.
Two incomes are better than one.
However, due to the peculiar nature of marriages in our clime where the man seems to have the upper hand, it has become necessary to take precautionary measures from the beginning so that you don’t end up with a man like that.
Through the issues stated in my book, young people can project 10 or 20 years into the future to see if they are fit for each other.
Note that this does not make anyone bad. It is just to find out if the two parties are fit for each other.
I remember some years ago when my lawyer needed to do something that required my wife’s input.
My wife was at work when he came, but I told him there was no need to call my wife and seek her opinion on the matter because we discussed that issue before we got married, and we had one position on it.
Marriage is beautiful when both parties are fit for one another. But when a person is trying to do something they are naturally wired for, and their spouse becomes the weapon fashioned against them, marriage becomes draining.
May your spouse not become the weapon fashioned against you. Amen!
Marry early. Marry right. Marry prepared.
Peoplesmind
