By Thomas Danjuma Abu
Recently, I stumbled upon a podcast on a Facebook page where the topic “Polygamy is the Best? How?” was discussed. The participants debated various perspectives on polygamy and marriage. One discussant argued that polygamy is superior because monogamy is “not working,” while another—a woman—asserted that marriage is a partnership, likening it to a board of directors where the husband and wife share equal leadership.
However, as I delved into the comments on the Facebook page, it became evident that the idea of “marriage as a partnership” does not sit well with many people. This inspired me to share my perspective.
Marriage, as ordained by God, is not a mere contractual agreement or a corporate alliance. It is a sacred union between a man and a woman, deeply rooted in divine purpose and structured by distinct responsibilities. The recent push to redefine marriage as a partnership, where roles are interchangeable and leadership is fluid, may seem progressive but fundamentally undermines the institution as God intended it.
The Bible, in 1 Corinthians 11:3, clearly establishes divine order: “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” This scripture emphasizes a hierarchy designed by God—not to oppress, but to create harmony. It is not about superiority or inferiority but about fulfilling distinct roles. The man is called to lead, guided by Christ, while the woman complements him, respecting his God-given authority. When this structure is embraced, the home becomes a haven of peace and purpose.
Modern discourse often misconstrues equality in marriage as sameness. While men and women are equal in value before God, they are uniquely designed with distinct roles in marriage. The man is called to provide, protect, and lead with love, while the woman nurtures, supports, and balances the relationship. This complementary dynamic is what makes a marriage thrive.
However, the rise of the so-called “partnership model” seeks to erase these distinctions, promoting a system where no one leads and both parties compete for dominance. This has led to confusion, power struggles, and a loss of marital joy. When marriage is reduced to a partnership, it drifts into chaos, diverging from God’s original design.
In African culture, marriage has traditionally been understood as a union—a blending of two lives under mutual respect and clearly defined roles. The traditional rites, often criticized for their financial burden on men, symbolize the man’s readiness to shoulder responsibilities. Yet, many modern women attempt to merge these ancient traditions with Western ideals of equality and partnership, creating a contradiction that destabilizes the institution of marriage.
If marriage is to be redefined as a partnership, then it would only be logical to abolish traditional rites altogether. Let unions begin with equal financial contributions, shared responsibilities, and no cultural expectations placed solely on men. However, it is disingenuous to demand traditional privileges while rejecting the responsibilities they entail.
For those who claim that submission silences women, it is vital to clarify that submission, as outlined in Ephesians 5:22-24, is not subjugation. Submission is an act of trust in God’s design and does not strip a wife of her voice or agency. Instead, it ensures that decisions are made with unity and purpose.
On the other hand, men must recognize their heavy responsibility. To lead a home is not to dominate but to serve with humility and fear of God. A man who loves his wife as Christ loves the Church will inspire trust and respect, not rebellion or resentment.
Marriage is not a competition but a divinely ordained collaboration. To the African woman seeking fulfillment, true peace does not come from adopting Western ideals but from embracing God’s timeless design. To the African man, rise to the occasion and lead with love, wisdom, and godliness.
Marriage flourishes when both honor their roles, not when they blur them. It is time to stop reshaping marriage into something it was never meant to be. Instead, let us embrace its sacred purpose—a union where love, respect, and divine order prevail. Only then will we find the peace and harmony we so deeply desire.
Abu can be reached via danjumaabu3750@gmail.com or +2348062380296
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